I've found that one of the most challenging things after experiencing the loss of someone close, is the ability to find a similar connection to another person. I think that's one of the most difficult factors in our process of healing. We remember the closeness and love that we felt for that person. We remember all of the memories and all of the experiences we've shared with them and the deep emotion and profound hurt we felt of our loss. This can really apply to any great loss we've had; our pets, jobs and our relationships.
It's harder for some of us than others to move forward in our current relationships or to make new ones. We may view them in a very different way. We are changed in ways that other people, even those who know us well don't understand. We look at things and people under a different lens. You can become hyper focused. Some of us still seek and hope for the same kind of connection to replace the one we've lost. We may not be consciously aware of it but nothing else will ever measure up the same.
This is normal and even expected. However, there is one big problem here. At some point we realize there isn't going to be anyone that can fill those shoes in the same way. It can make us feel even more distressed and hopeless.
The good news is there is a solution. We can make a conscious decision to stop comparing and seeking only what we consider to be close enough to what we had. When we hold our loved one in their own special place and space in our mind and heart, it is in a sense honoring them. Acknowledging this can help you begin to make that shift. We can give ourselves the grace and understanding that we will never find the same connection because we are all different people and experience unique connections with each and every person we encounter. We can then allow ourselves to open up to the possibility that we may find good connections with others. We can create new experiences and memories. We can focus our mind on those possibilities to allow feelings of anticipation and maybe even excitement to emerge.
It depends on where you decide to focus your energy. We as humans always find what we are looking for and we place our attention on. You can continue to focus on what you've lost and no longer have (which never changes anything) or you can allow yourself to look forward to something different but also something that can be amazing for you in the future. What the heck, give it a try.
Until next time and stay well,